5 ways to spend Valentines with your Sex Doll

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5 ways to spend Valentines with your Sex Doll

What if you never had to worry about getting a date for Valentine’s Day ever again? No regrettable hookups, no gifts or hassle, and most importantly no more disappointment. Welcome to the world of realistic silicone Sex Dolls. While you can’t take sex dolls out to dinner, what you can do is have dinner on your sex doll. Nothing is more romantic than snacks and naked body shots off of your silicone partner while in your sweatpants, Netflix and chill. 

Disclaimer: This blog is written purely for entertainment and comedic effect, please do not take it too seriously, thank you.

 

valentines day

You won’t have to fake aimlessly wonder hundreds of bookstores hoping to bump into your soulmate either. Just swipe right on your new silicone girlfriend, wait for her to arrive at your doorstep like some weird mail-ordered bride, and most importantly, keep your curtains open to freak out your neighbors as you assemble Busty Amy version 2.0. She most definitely won’t cook you dinner, but on the bright side, she’ll always be ready to exchange orgasms. Did I mention she also loves lingerie? And she’s not picky at all. Whether it’s red and black stockings or smelly slippers from World War 2, she likes them all. 

 

Here are 5 super romantic ideas on how to spend your Valentine Day with that special inanimate object:

 

 

  1. Preparing for the Alien invasion

 It is obvious why almost every sci-fi or superhero movies are packed with aliens. We are getting prepared for an alien invasion. Whether you like or not, aliens are coming. And what is the best way to defend against an alien? Making love to them, obviously. While we don’t know if the upcoming invasion will feature creatures that are naughty or nice, we must prepare our genitals for the likelihood that they will be absolutely obsessed with human copulation. Like what intelligent lifeform wouldn’t be crazy about the species that invented Tentacle Monster Dildos or the Scorpion Vibrator?

 

alien sex doll

So use this Valentine’s Day with your sex doll to enjoy your romantic life, preparing for horny aliens. Get creative! Do you think your new alien warlords will rock a sexy blue and white body? Paint your doll or dress her up as Neytiri from Avatar. If your sex doll doesn’t have a tail (unless you’re super freaky, in which case we salute you!) just get a cosplay prop or a tail-like butt plug to complete her outfit. Now you can sing, dance, hunt for cheesy snacks in the kitchen, and when the mood strikes – touch tails. You might not have an orgasm the first time but keep at it. The best way to get good at inter-species coitus is to keep practicing. Also, if you hate your neighbors, it is always good to dirty talk as loud as you can about wanting to impregnate your new alien girlfriend.

 

 

  2. Getting Married

 Have you always dreamed of having that special day but never had the chance? Did your first marriage fail miserably out of absolutely no fault of your own and now you want to get it right? Get your sweet loving Sex Doll and make it official. All you need is a drunken priest, a wedding dress for Busty Amy 2.0. and cake. You always need cake. If you’re a hopeless romantic like me, write some wedding vows as well. And since Busty Amy is not that keen on writing (not all trophy wives are literate like Jane Austen) you can write her vows as well. What a fantastic opportunity to objectively write about all your great qualities. After all, you are a man of culture. 

 marrying sex doll

Now don’t make too much of a fuss about the ceremony. Maybe invite some wealthy relatives or friends to get some cash and gifts, but keep it small. The last thing you want is crazy Uncle Joe stealing your bride to be. After the ceremony is over and everyone thinks you have lost your last shred of sanity, take the remains of the cake and your lovely new bride to the matrimonial bed. This is a special day for both of you so before you consummate the marriage, please take a moment to talk about your feelings. It is very important to open about how you feel about the woman you love and are about to sodomize in every unnatural way possible. And take pleasure in finishing the cake. Love is temporary, cake is forever. 

 

 

 3. Release the Beast

 Maybe you’re not good with planning dates or big romantic gestures. Maybe you’re more of a physical person and the best way for you to express your feelings is by watching Lion King and doing pushups. After all, Amy does crave a man who can protect and literally move her from one spot to another. Just do some sit-ups as she watches, then place her hand on your chest. She’ll love it so much she won’t be able to take her hand away. Like ever. In case Amy gets emotional and cries, either from the Lion King movie or you screwing her brains out afterward, be sure to provide her with support. And by support, I mean non-alcoholic wet wipes and talcum powder.

 real sex doll

 

Often people think that relationships based on looks or sex are superficial, shallow and are destined to fail. Busty Amy and her XXL double D’s beg to differ. She thinks that rogering and doing the rumpy-dumpy is the bedrock of every long-lasting successful relationship. For this, she is truly an Olympic lever performer with the body of a sleepy contortionist. While copulating is indeed important she also believes in listening. Cherish every intimate moment but also talk and listen. She won’t judge you no matter what your political or religious beliefs. Though, if you say that ‘Dumbledore is gay’ her eyes automatically fall out and two poisonous darts will shoot and poison you. Not all is fair in love and war.

 

 

 4. Goth crypt romance

 Do you have a dark side and enjoy an adventurous romantic trip to the burial grounds of your forefathers? Why go alone when you can drag your sex doll along? Dress up in your favorite black clothes, take a pair of shovels (Busty Amy 2.0. can’t dig but she looks hella sexy with a shovel in hand) and visit your local neighborhood graveyard. If you’re in Egypt, go for a pyramid. Unless your silicone girlfriend is one of those robot models that can walk, you might need to carry her. Pack some bread and refreshments, then cover Amy in some pesto and pate, throw her over your shoulder and freak out every old lady at the graveyard as you look for a good spot.

 sex doll online

 

In case you didn’t make a reservation and all the good crypts are taken, just look for a freshly dug grave. It’s common practice that graves are dug days before a burial, so you can enjoy some alone time with your special silicone loved one. Once you get all cozy and cold in your romantic burial hole, make sure to express your feelings and give thanks to all the wonderful moments you had with Busty Amy 2.0. While she might not be human and have feelings of her own, she definitely enjoys pleasing you and going outdoors to air out her jizz reeking body. While it is good to show affection, don’t be too loud as your noises might freak out others. Now relax and kiss Amy as you watch the beautiful star-filled sky. Who said romance is dead?

 

 

  5. Lazy Day in

 Are you a hardcore introvert that hates going out but loves romance inside the comfort of your own home? So does Busty Amy 2.0. Get some red roses and lube and make this Valentine’s Day the best one yet. Before Amy wakes up, put some slow sexy music on (like The Pussycat Dolls) and prepare her breakfast in bed. She likes whatever you like. Just make what you’re eating. Once you set the mood, gently wake her up by licking her left nipple. She adores the left nipple play and so do you since it still contains small traces of cocaine the cartel unsuccessfully tried to smuggle into the country but got dissolved in her body. It wasn’t a coincidence that this sex doll was at a discounted price.

 valentines sex doll

 

Once Amy is awake, passionately kissing you, and you’re high as hell, drop the pre-heated 2000 rose petals on her naked body with the leaf blower. This is when things will get really hot and heavy. Amy is a romantic Queen and you are her rightful King. Declare your never-ending love for one another by doing that thing you saw on Pornhub and vowed to never ever do it unless you met the right one and he or she kept bugging you about it all the time until you caved and just went for it. Live your life! Enjoy this brief existence and orgasm. You don’t need to pull out. She can’t get pregnant even if she wanted to. And you are all that she needs. You are her Romeo and she is your Busty Amy 2.0.  

 

 

Conclusion

As you can see, it’s not that hard to plan a successful and satisfying Valentine’s Day with your sex doll. All it takes is creativity, passion, love, and a hand cart to roll your silicone girlfriend around. So when you hear people whine about how they are all alone on Valentine’s Day and nobody loves them, just give them a damn sex doll and show them this blog. 

P.S. Busty Amy 2.0. is not an actual sex doll for sale, please do not look for her. She is not the writer of this blog. I am human, really. No, I am not a sex robot who wants to take over the world. Cheerio!


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