Fake your death with Sex Doll

You are in danger. After numerous threats to your life, you realize that there is no other choice but to fake your own death with a realistic sex doll. Don’t worry, we’ve got your back! Also, buy a bunch of ketchup and meat, ok?

Before we dive deep into the very complex science of getting the mob of your trail by faking your death with a super realistic human-like sex doll, let’s make sure not do the following this:

- No pranking people by slicing up a love doll and putting it in someone’s fridge (not cool, well it will be cool because fridge but still, don’t do it!)

- Don’t mail your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend a silicone doll, especially not a used one. Accept the break-up with grace and do what everyone else does and hate on the opposite gender until you get really horny again.

- No crucifixions! We can’t stress this enough. The number of cheap sex dolls getting crucified on a daily basis is getting ridiculous at this point. Seriously, just watch a Jesus movie. 

- No bowling with a love doll head. Yes, they are round and weigh just as much as a bowling ball. And it looks cool when you get a strike but the eyes always fall out after 1 or 2 rolls. Then you have to reinsert and the eyes might look funny and it’s creepy. Just too much work

Now that we got that out of the way, let us examine your options of faking your death. Whether you are on a budget or have sufficient funds to pull off a quality faking, we will cover the basics of what you need to do.

 

 

  1. STICK TO YOUR GENDER

 men silicone sex doll

This might seem obvious, but some people don’t realize that getting a sex doll is not enough to fool someone. Unless you’re just it in it for a quick getaway, in which case you can save some money and time by using a blow-up doll. 

By sticking to your gender, you honor the code of death faking and make it a good experience for your family as well. You don’t want your brothers or family members to look at your coffin thinking how the hell did you change your sex and get such a quality boob job without them noticing. 

So get it right, by ordering a custom sex doll that is the same weight and height that you are. The face you’re going to mutilate anyway, so that doesn’t matter as much. But make sure you screw the head in properly when assembling the doll. If the doll’s head rolls away during the funeral, it will be a dead giveaway. Be professional and you will succeed.

Cheaper dolls will require extra care and decoration as they are less realistic. So go for a doll that is full silicone instead of the TPE version. You only fake your death once so go big. 

In some cases, you might be able to get a small sex doll to make it look like more than one person died. Or if you have to fake more than one death, you’ll need to get mini sex dolls or little silicone dolls as well. 

And never forget: “Eye color, eye color, make sure they match, unless you want the baddies to realize they have been misled”. 

 

 2. CREATE THE SCENARIO

Whatever scenario you choose to fake die from, aim for a brutal one. This way you can mutilate and destroy the sex doll so people can’t tell the difference between you and the doll. This is where the ketchup and meat will come in handy. The meat you use will depend on your personal preference. We recommend pork for the body and fish for the genitals. The ketchup needs to be spicy. Don’t ask us why.

Obviously, finding a suitable death for yourself might seem like a daunting task, so to make this easier, you can call an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend and tell them you have HIV and you most likely gave them the virus as well. In just a few days, you will receive very detailed scenarios of you being brutally tortured and murdered. Just use the one that you like the most. 

 

 3. TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES AND VIDEOS

 

Once you’ve decided on how you will meet your fake maker, get the cameras rolling for evidence. If you’ve chosen the murder death, you have the option to make it seem like a gang did it or it’s the work of some sort of psycho serial killer. This will throw off and confuse your real enemies. If someone else offed you then why would they bother in checking the authenticity of the death? Yes, they will be disappointed and maybe a little depressed that they didn’t have the honor of applying the finishing blow, but life is filled with ups and downs.

You can also use the photos to make it look like someone took advantage of you sexually before the crime. Again, anything that will have people going ‘yuck’ is good. Because ‘yuck’ doesn’t ask questions. Yuck is just yuck. 

 

 

 4. PAY OFF THE MORTICIAN AND FUNERAL HOME

This can be a fatal mistake for newbie death fakers. There is no way that the mortician or funeral home won’t notice that they got a silicone sex doll sitting on their table. Make sure your donation is generous. From our experience, morticians are among the finest, stand up, helpful people in society. They will help you out just make sure they are properly compensated.

Now the funeral services will be a little tricky. You don’t want any funeral service. Be certain that they can provide a decent quality coffin at a reasonable price for your family. And for the love of God, make sure they are not Scientologists. Now, we have very conservative Christian values, but we won’t tell you what religion or which priest to use. But think of your family. You want them to have a nice, quality service for your send-off, don’t you?

If you’re on a budget and the doll doesn’t really look a lot like you or you can’t afford a good service, choose a close casket. Make it look like a suicide and in the note mention you want a close casket. You will have to practice your handwriting skills for writing the note but a few sentences will be enough. And don’t make them rhyme. That’s another newbie mistake. Suicide notes should never rhyme or have emojis on them. At best, you can get away with some crazy Egyptian symbols but this is not the time to unleash your artistic flair. Keep it simple, blame the bankers or politicians for the cause of suicide. 

 

 

 5. SMELLY CORPSE KEEPS THE NOSY PEOPLE AWAY

At the funeral, some of your family members or friends, and even the people you are trying to escape from might come to check the casket. You don’t want this. Someone might have a photographic memory or own a sex doll themselves. Minimize the risk by pushing as much fish or tuna inside the anal and oral holes of your doll. After a few days, the stench will be so rancid, so brutally putrid that no mortal man can stand close to the doll for more than a second. 

If you plan to watch the funeral from afar and wish to push the boundaries, buy a remote-controlled vibrator. Insert it in the booty hole so that it keeps the smelly tuna in. When someone gets close, start the vibrator so that it will give a churning sound and make the smelly tuna worse. People will faint and people will most definitely stay away.

 

 6. HAVE A FRIEND IN ON IT

If you have someone you can trust in on the whole thing, ask them to help you. After all, what better way to know who your true friends are than when you ask someone to help you fake your own death? 

Tell your friend to make a scene at a funeral, either cry and seemingly lose his mental state or get in a fight with someone. This will distract people from the body as well. Just do a few practice sessions with him. You don’t want to send him in as a fresh actor with no experience. Such foolishness can be a dead give way. 

 

 

We hope you found our tutorial on how to fake your death with the help of a realistic sex doll USEFUL. Hopefully, it can save your life in case the bad guys are after you. If it works out, do send us a mail or comment on the blog. We aim to please and appreciate the feedback.

This is a parody blog, writing purely for entertainment. We do not recommend or endorse any such activity of the sort. Please do not do it! Unless you have to. 


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